


Wicked Game II: Let Me Dream of You

by McKay



Series: Wicked Game [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 01:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10957065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Through an exchange of letters, Remus and Severus' relationship deepens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2001. This is set during GoF, and it's written entirely in the form of letters sent back-and-forth between Remus and Severus.

Lupin, you insufferable idiot, what the bloody hell have you done to me?

Minerva took one look at me, stopped dead in the hall, and stared as if I had suddenly sprouted an extra head. Within the hour, Albus 'just happened' to stop by my office, and, after a great deal of circumlocution, finally got round to asking if there was anything I meant to tell him. I looked a right stupid git, because I had no idea what he was blathering about.

I've had his explanation. Now I want yours.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Excellent weather we're having here. A bit rainy, but that's normal, and it's not hurting your herb garden any, which I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. I've been taking care of it, by the way. I found the drying racks in your workroom, and I remember enough from Herbology to manage, but you could always send along some instructions, including where and how you want the herbs stored once they've been dried._

_The asphodel you left drying is nearly ready, and I should be able to send it along soon, if you want it. The mandrake roots are requiring most of my time and attention, as they're in that awkward stage. I'm not looking forward to repotting them, but I believe I'll need to within the week. I don't suppose you have earmuffs?_

_I'm fine, thank you for asking. I'm glad some of my clothes were salvageable; I've been repairing them over the last few days, which means I have something to wear other than your nightshirt and dressing gown at last. There hasn't been any trouble, not even so much as a strange owl flying overhead recently. How are the preparations for the mysterious Big Event going? I hope there are no complications?_

_And do you have no other kind of tea anywhere in this house other than that ridiculously strong chai blend? I'm convinced it removed three layers of skin from my tongue with one sip._

_Now then, to answer your question. It's a bit of old magic, unique to sentient shapeshifters. I'm sure if you ask Hermione Granger nicely enough, she could have it looked up for you in a trice. However, I doubt you'll do that, so I may as well tell you myself._

_By tracing a certain pattern on your skin, I've marked you as mine. My saliva acted as the catalyst for the spell, which will warn on a subliminal level that you've been claimed. It's not visible, except to other shapeshifters, including Animagi, but anyone who approaches you with lascivious intent will sense it and be diverted._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

You branded me with a claim marker? Why didn't you just piss on my robes and have done with it?

Thanks to you, Albus beams at me like a proud father every time I see him, and Minerva tries to appear as if she's not staring at my neck when, in fact, she is. Constantly.

 

S. Snape

PS: The earmuffs are in the wardrobe somewhere. If they're not in one of the drawers, check the top shelf. As for storing the herbs, I keep empty jars and bottles in the workroom cupboard. You'll also find labels in the top drawer of the desk. Kindly send the asphodel as soon as possible. I find my supply here is lower than I thought. I will also want wormwood, as soon as it is available. I've included a few instructions on a separate sheet with this letter.

PPS: If you want another type of tea, then for God's sake, stop whinging and go buy it. I've had your name added to my account at the Muggle bank in Whetby. Draw money whenever you need it.

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Thank you for the subscription to The Daily Prophet; it's pleasant being able to keep up with things, even though the news in yesterday's edition was unsettling. I'd hoped never to see that Mark again, but there it was, on the front page. The article was full of implications, but I don't trust anything Rita Skeeter writes. She's the one who wrote that horrible piece about me in June. It never mentioned my name, of course, but with a headline like 'Werewolf Running Amuck at Hogwarts, Students and Parents Living in Fear,' I couldn't help but make a connection._

_I don't suppose you know anything about what happened at the World Cup?_

_I repotted the mandrakes over the weekend, and they're all doing quite well. Some of them are getting spotty, but they're not quite ready to try moving in with one another yet. The wormwood is thriving, but I'm afraid I lost the mint, and I'm not certain why. Perhaps I over-watered it._

_I found the earmuffs on the shelf. I didn't expect them to be so bright._

_Mrs Pimms from the grocers sends her regards, and she said she's glad you've got a 'nice, strong lad to look after the place properly.' She also asked when I wanted to start stocking up for winter, as there's a good chance I might get snowed in. I told her I'd check with you first._

_Oh, and I did indeed buy myself some tea. My tin of cinnamon tea is now side-by-side with your tin of chai._

_Yours,_

_Remus_

_PS: As for pissing on your robes, I thought about it, but the spell lasts longer._

* * *

Lupin,

 

Lest you think I harbor some deep, secret desire for bright colors, I hasten to assure you the earmuffs were a gift. Professor Sprout gave them to me when I first began growing my own mandrake roots. They are hideous, but I can tolerate them, considering how rarely I wear them.

Tell Mrs Pimms you want to start laying in the extra winter supplies straight away. In a storm, there will be no way for you to leave except by Apparating, since you're not connected to the Floo network there, and I'd rather you stay put, except for going to Ollivander's. You have gone, have you not? Were you seen? With any luck, no one knows where you are, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. I'm sure I needn't remind you to be careful.

Nevermind about the mint. I have plenty, and if I run low, it's easily got elsewhere. Next time, try keeping the plants thinned. It tends not to do well in dense clusters.

Regarding the incident following the World Cup, I have little more to go on than you do. I did not attend the event; as you may remember, my interest in the sport rarely expands beyond the inter-House matches. Those are quite enough for me. However, I've been told that rumors of any deaths, Wizard or Muggle, are just that: rumors. The Death Eaters limited their escapades to humiliating a family of Muggles and frightening everyone else until the appearance of the Dark Mark.

I suppose we should be grateful nothing more serious occurred, but their boldness should not be glossed over. Their attempt to recruit you, followed so closely by their appearance in public implies that Voldemort is not nearly as weak as we had hoped. We have not heard the last of him, I fear. Far from it. I believe we need to be far more alert and wary than we have been, and, if speculation about whom Albus has hired as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts instructor is true, Albus must believe so as well.

On that cheerful note, I close.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I'm glad to hear you weren't at the World Cup. Was anyone we know there? Was Harry? He's quite keen on the sport, if I remember correctly, and this would have been an exciting event for him to attend, if he got the chance._

_I believe you're right: that the Death Eaters are being so bold as to show themselves in public must mean they know something about Voldemort that we don't. His power must be on the rise again, but I can't imagine how. I wish there were something I could do to gather information or something -- anything -- to help Albus. If we could get in a preventative strike now, before he's gained any real strength, maybe that would at least set him back again until we were better prepared. Still, I don't know how we could do that, if we don't know where he is or what he's planning._

_Yes, I did go to Ollivander's, a day or two after you left. He found a lovely maple, nine inches, unicorn hair for me, and it's working perfectly. I'll express my thanks here, and perhaps you'll allow me to thank you properly when I see you next._

_I didn't see anyone I recognized while I was there, and I went early in the day, when Diagon Alley tends to be less crowded. There weren't many people about, and I made certain to Apparate in a small cul de sac very near the shop. Yes, Mother, I kept my hood up as well, even while I was in the shop, in case someone peered through the window._

_Your first day of classes went well, I hope? Do try not to terrorize your students quite so much this year, especially Neville Longbottom. He does his best, you know._

_Who did Albus appoint as the Defence instructor this year? I'm curious to know who has my job now._

_I'm including a small package of the herbs you wanted; I packed the bottles carefully, with lots of padding. I hope they arrive intact. Do let me know, in case I need to wrap them up more next time._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

The herbs arrived intact. Thank you.

Unfortunately, I must inform you that yes, Potter was indeed in attendance at the World Cup. I haven't heard the entire story as yet, but from what little I do know, it appears he narrowly missed encountering the Death Eaters in the woods. That boy is a trouble magnet: if there's danger to be found, he'll wind up in the midst of it, without even trying.

Speaking of danger, don't you dare even think about poking your nose into any of this. There's nothing you can do to help. There's nothing any of us can do right now, except wait and watch closely. As tiresome as it is to hear shouted all the time, Alastor Moody has a point: constant vigilance is needed. Right now, that is our best defence. He is, by the way, our new Defence instructor. You see what I meant now?

As for my classes, the less said, the better. Mr. Longbottom has already melted his cauldron as well as one leg of my desk. What joy is mine.

It doesn't help that they're too preoccupied with the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Yes, it's being revived, and Hogwarts is hosting it. My wonder and delight know no bounds. It's enough to make me want to poison the lot of them and let them work out their own damned antidotes just to assure they will pay attention.

Come to think of it, that might not be a bad idea.

And what, pray tell, constitutes 'proper thanks'?

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I assume from the tone of your letter that Harry is fine, despite being at the World Cup, so I won't worry. Still, a near miss like that... Were they looking for him, or was it sheer coincidence? Do urge him to be careful, especially now. How is he apart from that? All right? And you're not being too hard on him in class, are you?_

_Hogwarts is really hosting a Triwizard Tournament? Why? Isn't that dangerous? People have got killed in the past, if I remember Binns' history lessons correctly. Are they taking any safety precautions this time? And which other schools are participating? Will it be the same ones?_

_Come now: in for a penny, in for a pound. You may as well tell me the rest. I'm sure there's been something about it in the Daily Prophet, but I've been helping your neighbor, Mr Bennett, repair his roof every day this week (it took some damage in the thunderstorm we had last Monday) and I've been too tired to do much more than fall into bed when I get home, so I'm not up on current events. Plus you know how I feel about Rita Skeeter's 'reporting'._

_On some level, I don't suppose I'm surprised Alastor Moody is the Defence teacher this year. It makes sense, if Albus wants to have a few extra security measures in place. I can't say I don't miss being there, but on the whole, perhaps this is for the best, and it's a relief knowing such a highly skilled Auror is there, looking after the school, and Harry._

_Everything is fine here. The townspeople are just lovely, and Mr Pratchett (he sells farm equipment, in case you don't recognise the name) has offered me a good price for an electrical power generator, which means I could use a CD player and play some of the CDs you managed to salvage. Those are the silver discs in the clear cases, by the way. They've got music on. Anyway, I told him no, of course, as I didn't think you would want it on your back lawn, but I thought it kind of him to ask. I believe he was concerned about me having a source of heat other than the fireplace in case I get snowed in, but then, he's not aware I could turn your parlor into a tropical paradise if I wanted._

_Don't tell me you're really going to poison your students. Honestly, Sev, your teaching methods leave much to be desired._

_As for 'proper thanks', I could tell you, but I'd prefer to show you._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

You are full of questions, aren't you. To answer more or less in order:

I have no idea whether the Death Eaters were looking for Potter or not. I tend to doubt it, as their activities appeared to be more focused on making a public spectacle of themselves, rather than on targeting any one person. I will keep a sharp eye on Potter, as I always have done, but I doubt urging him to exercise greater caution would have any effect. For one thing, I doubt he would listen to such sage advice coming from me, and for another, he's too damned stubborn and foolhardy to heed it, even if he did actually listen in the first place.

From what I understand, there will be a few more safety measures in place this year during the Tournament than in times past. For one thing, there is to be an age limit. Only students over the age of seventeen will be eligible to participate, which leaves Potter out of the running. Perhaps this means I can go an entire year without hovering over the little terror to make certain he doesn't get himself killed with all his impetuous heroism.

As in the past, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are the other two schools involved in the tournament. I understand Viktor Krum is one of the candidates from Durmstrang, and he is assumed to be the one who will be chosen by those who care enough to speculate about such things. This is, of course, confidential information.

Those discs have music on? How do you get it off? I wondered what those cases were for, especially since the pictures on them don't move. They didn't appear to be broken, thus I brought them. You seem to have got rather immersed in the Muggle culture there, and you're doing it again now, volunteering to help our neighbors like that. Why? What on earth could they possibly have of interest?

My teaching methods are my business, thank you, and for your information, the poisoning idea is working. I haven't had such diligent students in years. I may try it more often.

You would prefer to issue 'proper thanks' in person? I must admit to being intrigued. I intend to return home during the Christmas holidays, weather permitting. Perhaps you should give me an idea of what to expect?

 

S. Snape

PS: I notice you're calling me 'Sev' again. You have the dubious honour of being the only person ever to bestow any sort of nickname on me.

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I'm relieved to know about the age limit for the Tournament, not only for Harry's sake, but the other students as well. The participants should have a greater amount of knowledge and experience than younger students have. They're just not ready, not even fourth and fifth years. Why is the Tournament being revived anyway? There hasn't been one held in years._

_You don't mind if I call you 'Sev', do you? It's a habit of mine, giving nicknames. I got it from my mum, who did the same. She always called me 'Remy'. Incidentally, that's pronounced REH-me, not ree-mee._

_About Muggle culture... How can you not find it fascinating? They make up in technology for what they lack in magic, and it constantly amazes me. For example, they can't make their photographs move, but they have these things called 'films' that not only move but they tell entire stories! You can just sit and watch the story, and if you're watching it on a videotape, then you can rewind all the good parts and watch them as many times as you like._

_They've also got this thing called a television, and it shows different programmes every night, like mini-films, and you get little bits of the story each week. The commercials are bloody boring, but I do miss watching some of the programmes. Oh, and they show sports on the telly as well! Just imagine a Quidditch match being broadcast so that people could watch it in their homes all over the world, and that's what it's like. It's brilliant what they've come up with, although I have to wonder if they took elements of Quidditch for some of their sports back before Muggle-Wizard relations deteriorated so badly. Some aspects look awfully familiar, especially with one sport they call 'cricket' (nothing whatsoever to do with the insect of the same name)._

_And the music, you wouldn't believe the kinds of music they've got. Some of it would likely drive you mad, such as the kind they call 'heavy metal', but I think you might like other types._

_I'd go back to the Muggle world, and if things take a downward turn for me again, I probably will; it was a lot easier for me to get along there. They don't believe in werewolves, you know, which made it simple for me to find and hold a job. I'd never have to live in poverty again, among them. In just three months, I'd carved out a place for myself in that village where you found me. For the first time in my adult life, I belonged somewhere, and I was happier there than I have been since I graduated Hogwarts. I wasn't poor, I wasn't an outcast, I wasn't some loathesome, unclean monster. I was just the nice young man who worked in the bookshop and went to visit his mother a few days each month. I've never experienced that kind of unconditional acceptance since being bitten, and I can't explain how much it meant._

_Besides, this is an isolated area, and I'm not nearly as much of a loner by nature as you are, Sev. I like people in general, and yes, I do like Muggles. Their experiences are so different from my own, and I'm constantly amused and fascinated by their world. Yes, I'm helping our neighbors (I like the sound of that) whenever I can; they've been warm and friendly to me, and I want to return the favor._

_Of course, part of it may be their curiosity about a new-comer to the area, especially since by all reports, you haven't been an active member of the community. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I bought the house from 'that sour-faced hermit.' It has been with a straight face and polite tone that I've replied no, I didn't buy it, and the sour-faced hermit will be back._

_You're coming home for Christmas? I'm glad you mentioned it; I'll make certain everything is appropriately festive. As for what to expect... Well, proper thanks would involve wrapping my arms around your neck, pulling you close and kissing you._

_How dry that seems, now that I look at it written on this page, but it wouldn't be at all dry, if done properly... Well, if done the way I should like to do it, anyway._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

No, I do not mind if you call me 'Sev'. However, I must warn you that calling me 'Sevvy' will result in unpleasantness.

I have no concrete evidence to support this theory, but in my opinion, the Tournament is being held in order to re-establish ties with the two other European schools. Such alliances may serve us well in future, although aligning ourselves with Karkaroff may be at best worthless, and at worst, dangerous.

I must confess that I do not share your fascination with Muggles. That should not be much of a surprise, as I do not share your interest in people in general. I have done little to 'bond' with the community in which I live three months of the year. Out of necessity, I have interacted with the local Muggles, since there isn't a Wizard community nearby. Sending Nibley to buy supplies is out of the question, and Wizard money is useless to them, thus I have the bank account, and I purchase my own supplies.

That is, however, the extent of my interaction with them. I have never been one to engage in small talk or other meaningless forms of social interaction; I have little time or patience for such matters, as there is always something else I had rather be doing. It would seem to be to our mutual advantage that one of us is socially inclined, although I expect to be warned well in advance should you ever plan to host some sort of gathering while I am in residence. What you do when I am not at home is entirely your own affair.

Still, I admit the items you described sound intriguing, and my curiosity is piqued. Get the generator, if you like. If nothing else, I should like to know how one is supposed to get music off those odd discs.

Your idea of proper thanks is one I haven't encountered before. The words tend to suffice for most people. However, I can see merit in your method as well. I suppose I would be obliged to hold you while you delivered your thanks. Perhaps I would put my arms around your waist. Smarmy Gryffindor that you are, you would likely think it rude of me not to return your kiss.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Not to worry. You don't seem the 'Sevvy' type. Besides, I'd far rather have pleasantness than unpleasantness. We've had enough of that, don't you think?_

_Now I'm curious: why do you say an alliance with Karkaroff's school might be detrimental? I know little about him beyond his name, and nothing of his reputation. I take it you have more information about him?_

_I appreciate your offer regarding the generator, and I'll certainly think about it. Perhaps I could shrink it down some and put it near the garden shed, where it won't take up so much space._

_And you're right. It would be quite rude of you not to kiss me back, and even conniving, egotistical Slytherins like yourself should have some small grasp of manners. In fact, I'd very much like it if you did kiss me back. Despite how long it's been, I still remember our first -- and last -- kiss. I remember how soft your lips were, and how good they felt. I've dreamt about it and woken up reaching for you._

_Just so you know._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

You'll forgive me if I do not take the time to respond to the specifics of your last letter just now. There's been a new development with the Tournament. Mere words cannot express just how damned frustrated and angry I am.

Harry Potter has managed to get himself in the Tournament. He is not the Hogwarts champion; that title falls to Cedric Diggory of Hufflepuff. No, Potter is the fourth champion.

The champions were determined by a magical artifact, not by any human source. It was supposed to be reliable, not subject to influence, but somehow, Potter managed to circumvent both the age line Albus cast and the Goblet itself to get himself in the running.

Damned insolent child, he's got the most powerful Dark Wizard in history out for his blood, and what does he do? Draws all the attention to himself as he can! Why doesn't he just put a damned target on his chest and dance around an empty field somewhere, yelling, 'Kill me'?

He must have absolutely no sense of the danger he's in, else he's convinced that nothing can hurt him at Hogwarts, but the last three years should have shown that, as protected as it is, even Hogwarts isn't impenetrable.

That boy is going to be the death of me, literally. I can't possibly keep up with him, considering the sheer depth and volume of trouble he manages to get himself into, especially since he's not in my House, where I could at least lock him up somewhere for his own safety, and that of everyone around him. I should suggest to Minerva that she seal him up in one of the towers and pass his homework through a slit in the door until he graduates.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I understand your frustration, I truly do. But I got to know Harry fairly well last year, and I don't believe he's as oblivious to the danger Voldemort represents as you think. He's young and perhaps a little rash at times, but he's not stupid, and he hasn't got a death wish._

_What does he have to say about all this? And really, do you think he's strong or experienced enough to tamper with an age line cast by Albus, much less an artifact, even with Hermione Granger's assistance? Gryffindors are loyal to one another, yes, but I doubt any of them would go so far as to put his name in for him, or that he would ask them to. Bending the rules is a bit different from breaking them outright, in front of the entire school no less._

_If Albus made it clear that only students above a certain age were eligible, then I don't think Harry would have tried to get around that restriction. He enjoys attention when he earns it, just like any of us do, but I never got the sense that he was a glory hound. Quite the opposite, he's a modest, self-effacing young man who doesn't seem to have a true sense of his own worth._

_You didn't scream at him, or say anything nasty to him, did you, Sev? Please say you didn't. If he really didn't have anything to do with his name being submitted, then he's probably worried and nervous enough as it is without having you bully and accuse him on top of it._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

Very well, I will say I didn't say anything nasty to Potter if you like, but the truth is, I did express my displeasure and disbelief to him on the night of the choosing ceremony.

All I wanted was some time off from having to watch Potter's back, and now I am obliged to be even more vigilant than before. The tasks are going to be bad enough, but now there's the concern over who set him up in the first place, and why.

Stop gloating. Albus raked me over the coals, so I've heard the "Potter is an innocent, abused flower" spiel from both of you. Suffice to say, I am reasonably convinced Potter had nothing to do with it, but that makes the situation no less frustrating and annoying. It just means things are far more serious than I thought, which has done nothing to improve my spirits. Between this situation and having Moody and Karkaroff around, this is shaping up to be one of the least pleasant times of my life, and that's saying something.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do. I know you want me to stay here, but I feel useless. I want to help you and Albus, and I can't do that from here. Isn't there something I can do? Some way I can be of use?_

_I hope you don't mind if I ask, but why do you feel so obligated to protect Harry anyway? As you said, he's not in your House, and from all appearances, you don't even like him. Why do you bother?_

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

You are correct: I have appointed myself as Potter's unofficial guardian. There are a number of reasons.

For one thing, I owe his father a debt. Had it not been for James Potter, that night at the Shrieking Shack would have ended far differently.

For another, Potter is 'the Boy Who Lived'. For whatever reason, he survived a direct attack from Voldemort, and considering his parentage, he is potentially one of our strongest wizards -- if he stops wasting his time on Quidditch and starts applying himself to his studies properly. He has an innate talent, and he has some sort of extra advantage which we might need during our battle to keep Voldemort from rising to power once more. It's in all our best interests to keep him alive and to see that he's trained to use the talent he was born with.

I realise you must feel at a loss, but there is nothing to be done. We none of us here have any more answers or solutions at our disposal than you, thus we all have our hands tied at present. I appreciate your desire to help, but you would be in as much danger were you here as Potter is, and I would have one more concern to add to the list.

Enough of this for now. There's nothing to be done except wait and watch. Meanwhile, I've been meaning to ask, have you always liked cinnamon tea?

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_You're not the only one who owes James for saving your life that night. I will be grateful to him until my own death for that. I don't know that I could have continued to live knowing I had killed another person while in that form, especially someone I love._

_I'll remain here and do nothing for now, but please -- promise me if there's anything I can do that you'll let me know immediately, and that means for you personally as well, not just for Albus and The Cause._

_To answer your question, yes, cinnamon has been my favorite type of tea since I was a child._

_In other news, it's been quiet here, and the weather continues to hold fair. I've begun Christmas shopping already, and I'm pleased to report that you're not nearly as difficult to shop for this year as you were last year. Which reminds me, how is Morgause? Albus is getting socks as usual. Any suggestions for Harry? You're in a far better position to know what he might like than I am._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

The first task is now over, and I feel justified in saying I've had ten years shaved off my life.

No doubt you'll have read all about it in the Daily Prophet by now, so you know that out of four possible types of dragon, of course Potter ended up the largest, surliest, and most dangerous of the lot. For Christmas, I suggest you get him a choke chain, a muzzle, and a very small room to be kept in.

There are still no clues as to the identity of the person or persons responsible for getting him involved in the Tournament in the first place. I remain uncertain whether the perpetrators hope Potter will suffer a debilitating or fatal injury during the course of the Tournament, or if they wish to lure him into the open for the purpose of springing some sort of trap. However, if that is their intent, they may have miscalculated, since Potter is far more in the spotlight than they could have anticipated thanks to the Daily Prophet. Among his schoolmates, he is very much the centre of attention, most of it negative.

Morgause is quite well. No doubt you'll find it amusing to know that she and Miss Granger's cat get along famously. She has developed a habit of perching on my desk and staring intently at any student who comes in, for as long as they remain. The students seem to find this disconcerting, but I confess I've done nothing to discourage her practice, as it amuses me to watch them squirm under her scrutiny.

Do you happen to remember if you had cinnamon tea before that night in the library? I ask only because I remember you tasted like cinnamon. I'm very fond of cinnamon.

Just so you know.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Yes, I read about the first task, and even after wading through Rita Skeeter's lurid prose and exaggerated version of events, I found myself quite alarmed. Harry is far too young to be thrown into situations like this; I'm relieved he survived at all, much less fared as well as he did in the scores. Isn't there any way to remove him from the Tournament? Some sort of disqualification?_

_What did you mean when you said he was the centre of negative attention? Sev... you're not egging the Slytherins on, are you? Come now, Harry's got enough to deal with as it is. I've read all that tripe Rita Skeeter has been writing about him, and while I hope no one believes it, I'm sure it's not making his life any easier. Please don't make things worse for him, even by indirect means._

_To close on a more pleasant note, yes, I probably did drink some cinnamon tea that night. How vividly do you remember the taste of it? Of me? I should very much like to re-acquaint you with my taste, and I should like to become re-acquainted with yours as well. I've had years to remember how good it felt to explore every inch of your mouth, and I'm more than ready to experience the reality once more. I want to know how it feels to hold you, to feel you pressed against me. You were so thin back then, but you've filled out and got broader in the chest and shoulders than you were. I remember the boy's embrace, but I want to feel the man's._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

The boy who embraced you all those years ago is gone, in more ways than one. The man who has taken his place is different, but desires you no less. Perhaps this time, we will have ample time to acquaint ourselves with one another without untimely interruption.

Meanwhile, do stop lecturing me. I have enough on my plate as it is, without concerning myself with Potter's social life, or lack thereof. Whatever trouble he has had may have originated among the Slytherins -- Draco Malfoy's little gang, to be specific -- but it has since spread to the rest of the school, only the Gryffindors excepted. Believe me, I almost haven't needed to be nasty to the boy; everyone else has done it for me.

I have tried to keep his attention on his studies where they belong; with all of the chaos surrounding this damned Tournament, I wonder if he's learning anything this year at all, or if it's an utter waste of time.

As for getting him out of it, don't think it hasn't been suggested. Unfortunately, having one's name chosen by the Goblet is a form of magickal contract; Potter is bound to participate in the Tournament until or unless he is injured beyond ability to do so, without any chance of disqualification.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_All right, I'll stop lecturing you about your students. It won't do any good anyway, and I don't want to argue with you. I feel there's more going on than you've told me, and I don't want to add to your stress._

_Although I still think you're going about it the wrong way, and if you want to get and keep Harry's attention, you should be nicer, not nastier. I know that's what motivated you, but it doesn't work on everyone, and you're only alienating him. There -- enough said. I'll let it go for now._

_Meanwhile, I pity anyone foolish enough to interrupt when I see you next. I intend to spell the doors, and any owls delivering urgent messages will simply have to wait until I've sated my curiosity, among other things._

_Tell me what you want, Sev._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_  
 

* * *

I want you.

 

* * *

_Is there any chance you might come home before Christmas? A weekend, perhaps?_

__

* * *

 

Lupin,

If it were possible, I would be there now, and we would both be well on our way to becoming re-acquainted in the most intimate manner possible.

Unfortunately, with Potter's unexpected participation in the Tournament, security here is even more tight than before, and we are all on high-alert status. I cannot leave now in good conscience, not while he is in danger.

As if that weren't enough, yesterday, Albus assigned me to help chaperone the Yule Ball. An evening wasted making certain no one spikes the punch, and none of the spotty-faced, hormonally-charged idiots sneak off for a grope in the shadowy corners. You can imagine my delight at the prospect.

For the first time in longer than I can remember, there is somewhere I wish to be for the holidays, yet I cannot be there, except in my thoughts. Dumbledore and everyone else can keep their damned 'Happy Christmas' wishes to themselves. Anyone who comes near me with so much as a single cracker will get a stake of holly through his or her heart. Bah, humbug.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_First, I want to thank you for the gift. Do you know, this is the first time I've ever had my own broom? Although really, Sev, after everything else you've done for me, I'm starting to feel guilty. If you believe you owe me some sort of debt for revealing my secret last year, you repaid it when you saved my life, more than repaid it when you gave me a place to stay._

_Anyway, in regards to your last letter, I must say you're the only person I know who can describe something in the most vague, allusional way and still make it sound sexy. Or perhaps I simply have an over-active imagination, brought on by years of celibacy. It's been ages; you'll have to forgive me, should we ever make love, if my technique is less than adequate._

_On a completely unrelated note, the weather is due to take a nasty turn within the week; if the wolfsbane potion is ready to send for this month, you might want to go ahead, else it may be delayed._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin, it's been so long for both of us, even bad sex would still be pretty damned good.

And while I am on that subject, I could express my intent in less allusional ways if it would please you: if I had my way, I would be with you in our bed at this very moment, you would be on your back beneath me, and there would be enough groping of your naked flesh going on to bring a blush to the cheek of the most randy adolescent in this school. I doubt I could make my intentions plainer, thus it seems to be a matter of 'when' rather than 'if' should you harbor the same desire.

To answer your question, no, I do not consider myself indebted to you any longer. I saved your life, and I consider that to have repaid my debt, even if, as I suspect, you did not want to be saved at the time. What I do now is done because I want to, and for no other reason.

Thank you for the gift, by the way, although I must wonder whether your motives were purely altruistic. Flannel would have been practical, but 'practical' is not a word that comes to mind regarding silk, especially not black silk.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Sev, I've spent the last year-and-a-half wanting to throw you onto the nearest bed and pound you through the mattress. I think it's safe to say we both want the same thing: each other. I can't think of anything I want more than to be naked and beneath you -- unless it's being naked and on top of you. I've imagined what it will be like between us. Have you? I've wondered how vocal you are, how much -- and where -- I'll have to lick and bite to make you moan aloud. I've replayed the moment when I cast the marker on you countless times, remembering your scent, and the softness of your skin. Did it arouse you? Is your neck sensitive, or is there some other place that's your weakness? Tell me, so I'll know where to touch you, and how to please you._

_Speaking of the claim marker, you haven't said anything about it in a while. Am I to take your silence on the subject as merely the calm before the inevitable storm? Should I be bracing myself? Settling my affairs?_

_On a related note, how long has it been since you've had sex? For me, it must be fifteen years or more. I had a few brief affairs after graduation, but they all ended quickly for one reason or another. Two of them guessed my secret early on, and the rest... Well, I drifted away from them. After a while, I realised I was searching for a duplicate of the one person I wanted, which was futile. The truth was, if I couldn't have you, I didn't want anyone else. It wouldn't be fair, after all; I'd have compared them to you, and they would have continually fallen short._

_I'm glad you don't feel indebted to me; I should hate to think guilt has been your motivation all this time. You're right, though: when I first regained consciousness, I was angry to find myself still alive. I resented you for saving me, and I thought there was little point in having done it, since my life seemed to have become an endless cycle of poverty and loss._

_Now, however, I'm more grateful than I can express that you did, because these last five months have been the most pleasant time of my life since graduating. Funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it?_

_Yours,_

_Remus_

_PS: I must confess to hoping that my gift to you will be one that keeps on giving._


	2. Chapter 2

Lupin,

I may have had one or two passing thoughts about becoming intimate with you. It should not be of any great surprise to you to learn that I tend not to be vocal, as you put it; I have a feeling you are just the opposite. As for the sensitivity of my neck -- or anywhere else, for that matter -- you will simply have to wait and discover that for yourself.

I was somewhat surprised by your comment that your former lovers fell short in comparison to me. I would have thought the opposite to be true. I'm aware of my assets, but stunning good looks and an amiable, charming personality aren't among them. I understood your feelings for Black. They made sense. This whatever-it-is between us does not.

Before you can ask, as I know you inevitably will, I will assure you that does not mean I'm adverse to the idea. It simply means I cannot fathom why or how it happened, and why it has persisted for all these years.

I have nothing to say on the subject of the claim marker, except you have been saved from facing my wrath by the fact that Minerva appears to have told no one other than Albus about it. Otherwise, I would likely have ended up with the entire faculty wishing me joy, and the students giggling every time I walked into my classroom. However, as I've answered your questions on a number of subjects, I believe it is only fair for you to answer mine.

Other than driving away the constant swarming throng of my would-be lovers, does this marker have any other effects I should be aware of?

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_You're quite right, I'm inclined to be vocal. Not chatty, mind you, but you'll never wonder whether I'm enjoying something or not._

_As for this 'whatever-it-is'... I see you're either still in denial, or you're being overly cautious about revealing too much. Whatever the case, I'll try to explain things from my perspective._

_Sirius is without a doubt one of the most attractive, charismatic people I've ever known. It's impossible to be around him without being drawn to him like a moth to a flame -- well, you're a notable exception to that phenomenon -- and even I wasn't immune for a while. My feelings for him sprang from his irresistibility and proximity; I was lured in by his charm, foolish enough to dream of something I knew deep down was impossible. Sirius is, was, and always will be straight, and even if he weren't, I don't think we would have worked as a couple. He would have wanted too much of me, and while I am governed by the moon, I am no one's personal satellite._

_But you -- as stubborn and opinionated as you are, you won't change to suit me, and you won't expect me to change to suit you. You don't expect me to be your follower rather than your partner. In that respect, you're easier to get on with than he is. You're also intelligent and quick-witted, and you're capable of sitting still for more than five minutes, which I'm not sure Sirius ever could manage. He could be exhausting at times. He always wanted to be doing something, usually with himself as the centre of attention, while you and I understand the merit of quiet activities._

_Do you remember the times we helped each other with our homework? You helped me with potions, and I helped you with transfiguration. We spent hours in the library, not talking, unless we were consulting or critiquing each other's work. We knew how to just be with one another, and that's rare._

_I don't want someone to burst into my life and keep me caught up in a whirl of fiery emotion and constant activity. That kind of excitement has never appealed to me. I want someone I can share my life with, but without drama, without an emotional rollercoaster, without a flurry of activity. There's been enough instability with the factors of my life that are beyond my control; when it comes to the love of my life, I want someone strong and stable who won't add to the chaos. I liked what we shared, for the short time we shared it, and I was never able to find it with anyone else, so I stopped looking._

_No, you're not as physically attractive as Sirius, but few people are. I'm certainly not, so I could easily ask you the same question: what do you see in me? I'm a werewolf, and even if I weren't going prematurely grey, I'm of average attractiveness at best._

_As for the marker spell, I used saliva, thus it's temporary, and its effectiveness will degenerate over time. By the time I see you again, it will probably have faded completely. If I used my blood instead, it would be permanent, and it would also bind you to me._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

I have time for only a short note at present. Someone broke into my office last night, and as much as I would like to blame Potter, he cannot possibly be responsible. Two years ago, my office was broken into, and certain potion ingredients were stolen. The culprits were never found, but I have my suspicions. Ever since, I have taken care to spell-lock my office door upon leaving. Only a fully trained Wizard could have got in.

Although I do suspect he was sneaking around after hours with that damned Invisibility Cloak of his -- and he's got Moody covering up for him! The man storms the halls, screaming about constant vigilance, yet he covers for the one student who is in the most danger and who should least be out by himself at night, even if he is still within the walls of the castle. Black got in. Who is to say someone else couldn't find a way? That's not just hypocritical of Moody, it's damned careless.

Classes have kept me from taking stock of what may be missing, and I've a meeting with Albus about the incident in a few minutes. Afterward, I intend to take inventory, thus I'm sending this off now in case this business keeps me occupied longer than expected.

I will respond to the rest of your missive later, but there is one point I wanted to make now: It hardly seems fair that I have "Property of Remus J. Lupin" branded on my neck, and you've got nothing. If you used blood, I would be bound to you, and you would be free. There is no spell I'm aware of that would work in the same way for non-shapeshifters.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Ah, I see you've been doing some research! Five points to Slytherin. But before I answer your question, you must know I have some of my own. Have you discovered who broke into your office and why? Was there anything missing? Is everyone all right? Nothing else has happened in the interim, has there? You're not in any danger, are you? Sev, be careful. If whoever is trying to hurt Harry has found out you're helping look after him, you may be a target as well._

_At any rate, you're right: this magic can only be used by shapeshifters, and there's no equivalent that you could use. But you don't really need it. I'm already bound to you; I've been bound to you since I was 17. Werewolves, like wolves, mate for life._

_I chose you._

_The only thing left to complete the bond on my end is physical consummation. Once we do that, I will be able to love no other, will take pleasure in no one else's touch._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

I apologise for the delay in responding to you, but the second task and my own procrastination have kept me from sending a prompt reply.

This is the most difficult letter I will ever write. The topic is one which would probably be best left for a face-to-face discussion, but things seem to have accelerated of late, and I do not think this can wait any longer.

There is something about me -- about my past -- which you must know before we go any further. I assume you are not already aware of what I am about to tell you; that you did not recognise Karkaroff indicated you are somehow unaware of the specifics involving the trials following Voldemort's disappearance.

You said in your last letter that you chose me as your mate when we were still students. When you have finished reading this letter, you may very well decide you chose poorly; if that is the case, I will understand and accept your decision.

There is no easy way to begin, thus I will state the facts bluntly: I was a Death Eater.

It began at the end of our seventh year, once the N.E.W.T. results came back. My high marks drew attention, although I suspect I had been fingered as a possible candidate even before that. I was approached with an offer; I accepted. I did not become a Death Eater straight away, however. They were more subtle than that.

They had to have realised early on that power was not what interested me, at least, not power in the sense of controlling people or countries. The power I crave -- that I have always craved -- is that of the mind. That I have the power to stopper death in a vial satisfies me; I have never felt the need to unleash it. I have not killed -- directly. However, I do not harbor the illusion that potions of my devising were not used to injure and kill. I am unaware of how many deaths I am indirectly responsible for.

I was a researcher at first. I was encouraged to develop my skills and practise my craft. I was pleased to be in an atmosphere in which I was not stifled in any way, in which my abilities seemed to be appreciated, which I did not think was the case at Hogwarts.

Following what happened in the Shrieking Shack, I believed that not only was my talent of little consequence, but so was my life. Black had nearly succeeded in having me killed or infected with lycanthropy, and he received little more than a slap on the wrist. It became clear to me who was considered more important and valuable by those whom I had formerly respected, including Albus. I felt betrayed not only by you, but by him as well.

Prior to that night, I would not have considered turning to Voldemort and his supporters. Afterward, I had no more incentive to remain loyal to Albus. If I was of such little importance to him that he didn't care if I died thanks to one of his star pupils, then I was no longer obliged to remain where I was neither appreciated nor wanted. I was free to explore other avenues.

Remember: at this time, Voldemort was gathering his forces and had not yet begun his devastating attacks. I had heard rumors that he was a Dark Wizard, but I dismissed them as unimportant. I was young and arrogant enough to believe I could use his resources for my own ends, and that I could get what I wanted without endangering myself.

I was wrong.

I was encouraged to learn and experiment; eventually, I became valuable and trusted enough that I was made a Death Eater. Only then did the demands begin. Voldemort assigned me to research along specific lines, and to create potions with specific effects. When I expressed my reservations, I was punished.

That angered me.

I realised that all the time I thought I had been so cleverly using Voldemort, he had been using me as well. I continued doing his bidding, but my eyes were open, and I knew I had made a mistake. I remained, hoping for an opportunity to use him as a test case for a particularly nasty potion I had concocted, but it never came. Instead, he decided my loyalty was in doubt and needed to be tested, thus he ordered me to accompany a few of the other Death Eaters on an assassination mission. I was to deal the death blow; if I succeeded, I would be considered one of them once more. I'm certain you can imagine what would have happened had I failed.

I created my own third option: I fled.

I returned to Hogwarts and begged Albus for sanctuary. I told him everything I knew, including whom Voldemort had wanted me to kill. Albus made a counter-proposal: return to Voldemort and offer him a sweeter deal. I was to say that I had been in secret negotiations with Albus and had fooled him into believing I was on his side, when really, I would report back to Voldemort.

It was risky, perhaps even fool-hardy, but at that point, Albus was, quite frankly, desperate. Once more, I was needed as a useful tool, but this time, I agreed to it of my own free will. I had seen too much to allow Voldemort's rise to power. I returned to Voldemort, abased myself -- difficult, but not impossible -- and offered myself as a 'spy'. I was severely punished for disobeying his orders, but apparently my offer was incentive enough for him not to kill me.

The rest, as they say, is history. I was given the position of potions instructor, and until Voldemort's disappearance, I fed him misinformation and spied for Albus. Unfortunately, I was never allowed close enough to him again to enact my original plan; although I reported directly to him, I was rarely allowed in his presence, especially not alone, as if my reluctance to kill on his behalf revealed a weakness in me which he considered repugnant.

The Dark Mark is branded on my arm. It has grown clearer over the last few months, and I live with the knowledge it could burn with his summons at any moment. Now you know what I have been, and what I am. The decision about what place -- if any -- I have in your life now is entirely up to you.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_It's my turn to apologise for taking so long to respond, but I've spent the last few days re-reading your letter, thinking about its contents, and sorting out my feelings so that I could finally put together a reply. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I never knew, never even suspected you had anything to do with Voldemort; perhaps that's my own Gryffindor idealism and naivete at work. 'Stunned' is closer to the truth, but it doesn't quite cover the combination of shock and horror._

_I was angry at first: angry that you did it, angry that you didn't tell me before now. But in all fairness, I can't blame you for not telling me sooner. As you've said, trust isn't your strong point, but that you told me voluntarily says much about how far you've come in both trusting in and caring for me._

_As you can imagine, I'm not pleased to know you were ever aligned with Voldemort. It was stupid and wrong. Even if you didn't kill anyone yourself, you helped him do it, and that's a bitter pill for me to swallow, Severus. That's the issue I've had the most difficult time dealing with._

_But when I began thinking about the situation objectively, I can understand why you joined him. I know how difficult it was for you in school, and the antagonism between you and Sirius didn't make things any easier. You were bright, you were talented, and all you ever got from many of your peers was ridicule. I also remember how eager you were to advance your abilities; you were -- are -- the most studious person I know. You would have fit well in Ravenclaw, if you weren't so eager for recognition as well. That ambition to be known for the development and application of your talents is what sets you apart from the scholars, I think._

_Well, that, and your suspicious mind, subtle cunning, and deviousness._

_I can't condone what you did, but I can understand it, and I respect that you realised your mistake before you got in too deeply. It must have been difficult, being a double-agent, but it doesn't surprise me that you were strong and stubborn enough to try. You didn't ask for my forgiveness, and I doubt you feel you want or need it, but you have it anyway, along with my sympathy. The bottom line is, you chose the side of honour and light in the end. Everything else is over and done with; it can't be undone, but we can learn from it and move forward._

_You're right, I didn't follow the trials. After Sirius was imprisoned, I became what Muggles would call 'clinically depressed'. You may think me weak and pathetic for crumbling under the weight of emotion like that, but I had experienced too many losses in too short a time, and I had been left utterly alone in the world: my parents were dead, you had rejected me a few years prior, James and Lily had been murdered, and at the time, I thought Peter had been as well, with Sirius his murderer. Everyone I loved had been torn from me one way or another, and despite Voldemort appeared to have been defeated, I wasn't in the frame of mind to celebrate. I needed time to grieve and heal, and so I behaved much like a wounded animal and hid for a while. I had no contact with the outside world for several months, and by the time I was ready to resurface, things had calmed down._

_On the one hand, it was an invaluable lesson that taught me the depths of my own strength and independence. On the other, it was hellish to live through._

_Did you ever speak with Albus about how you felt? Did you tell him you felt betrayed? If you haven't, you should. I don't think he would ever deliberately hurt you or anyone like that. I can't claim to understand his motives; I don't understand how Sirius got off so lightly either. I was so furious with Sirius that at the time, I actually agreed with Filch about wanting to bring back the old punishments._

_Sev, there is one thing I must ask: if Sirius hadn't caused a rift between us, would you have gone to Voldemort?_

_Still yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Lupin,

 

I'm surprised. I thought you would be disgusted by my past, and that you would want me out of your life. I didn't expect your forgiveness or compassion. Is this because of the bond? If you weren't bound to me, would you still be as forgiving?

Let me assure you that neither your affection for me nor mine for you would have altered my decision. I was offered a chance to develop my abilities and receive the recognition I craved, which I had not got at Hogwarts. Despite Voldemort's reputation, I thought I could maintain control of the situation. I vastly underestimated him, something which I will never do again.

While the fallout from the Shrieking Shack incident did nothing to sway me from my chosen path, my feet were already on it even before Black tried to kill me. Given my nature and my desires at the time, it was inevitable. You are in no way responsible for my actions.

I do not think you are weak or pathetic. Far from it.

No, I have not discussed the situation with Albus, nor do I intend to. It would be ridiculous for me to tell him he hurt my ickle feelings 20 years after the fact, despite I would have enjoyed seeing Black strung up by his thumbs in the dungeon.

I still would, for that matter, but I have little hope for belated justice being served.

 

S. Snape

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Of course you have my forgiveness and my compassion. I love you._

_There -- after several minutes of wondering whether I should commit the words to paper, I've done it. And no, I don't expect you to say it back; I know you better than that. I'll consider myself lucky if you're not having a panic attack right about now just from reading the words._

_I'm in love with you, and I've been in love with you for two decades. The bond formed because of that love, not vice versa; the bond does not compel me to do or feel anything. It's a strong emotional tie, Sev, not a geas._

_Besides, it would be hypocritical of me to withhold forgiveness from you because of your mistakes, considering how well I understand what it's like being an outsider. It would be wrong of me to treat you the way I've been treated because of a bad decision you made when you were young, especially since you've realised the mistake, regret it, and have taken responsibility for it. As Albus is fond of saying, it's our choices that determine who we are, and you've chosen to turn away from Voldemort and the evil he represents. That's a choice worthy of respect._

_My love isn't conditional, Sev. I'm not happy with what you did, but it was a long time ago, and you've more than made up for it. I'm not going to sit in judgment on you now, well after the fact. We've lost so much time already, and I don't want to lose more. I may not like everything you do -- I still can't believe you actually threatened to poison your students -- but I'm not going to stop loving you because of it. I accept who you are, both the positive and negative aspects included._

_If I know you, you're probably suppressing the urge to squirm with discomfort right about now, and so I'll give you an out: tell me about the second task._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Remus,

 

The second task went smoothly; any tales of near-death or other such melodramatic antics that appeared in the Daily Prophet were the result of Rita Skeeter's highly trained imagination.

Potter was foolish enough to believe the one hour time limit was a serious threat, thus he was the last to return, with both Mr Weasley and the Beauxbatons girl's 'hostage' in tow. He was, of course, rewarded for his naive gullibility and told that his actions were evidence of moral strength.

However, the mystery of who broke into my office appears to have been solved. The only thing noticeably missing was a portion of gillyweed, which 'just happened' to be what Potter used to breathe underwater during the second task. I have yet to determine how he managed to disarm my lock spell; I am not beyond suspecting Moody assisted him, given I encountered Moody in the hall that same night, and I have no reason to believe Potter is capable of disarming the spell himself. One little dose of veritaserum, and I would know the entire truth. At least then Albus would believe me when I say Potter is too careless of his own safety. Nothing dissuades him: not taking points, not the threat of suspension or expulsion, not even mortal peril. He is determined to do exactly as he pleases, consequences be damned.

It is disgraceful how easily these children are distracted. Granger brought a copy of Witch Weekly into my classroom and discussed its article about Potter while I was conducting class. Rudeness and disrespect aside, they are going to find themselves sorely lacking in the skills necessary to hold a decent job, much less survive against Voldemort and his minions, if they persist in this inattention to their studies. Potter especially needs to take his eyes from the newsprint and put them on his textbooks. I attempted to give him a lesson on the vanity and stupidity of heeding such garbage; however, I doubt it sank in.

On top of all that, Karkaroff is proving to be a nuisance. If you recall, I mentioned that an alliance with him would be unwise. My reason for believing this is that he was a Death Eater just as I was. However, Karkaroff did not turn from Voldemort; he was captured, and he attempted to bargain for his freedom from Azkaban by revealing what little he knew to the Ministry.

Now that the Dark Mark has become clearer, he has panicked, and he keeps coming to me, wanting to discuss what 'we' should do. I have informed him on any number of occasions what I intend to do: remain at Hogwarts. If Karkaroff wants to turn tail and run like the coward he is, he may do so alone. I suspect the only reason he wishes me to accompany him in the first place is so that he may use me as either back-up or leverage if he should get caught. He knows all too well how displeased Voldemort will be with those who betrayed him to keep themselves out of Azkaban.

 

Severus

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Are you sure Harry is responsible for taking the gillyweed? After all, it's not a rare or hard to find plant. He might have bought it at the apothecary's in Hogsmeade. Why should he go to the trouble of stealing it from your office, knowing there was a risk he might be caught and punished?_

_Meanwhile, please don't let your annoyance and over-protectiveness cause you to do anything rash, especially not with veritaserum. You may end up hearing more than you should, and that wouldn't be fair to Harry. I also hope your 'lesson on vanity' wasn't an embarrassing or unduly harsh one. Things are difficult enough for him, poor lad._

_After what you've told me about Karkaroff, I've grown quite concerned. Did Voldemort or any of the other Death Eaters realise you were a spy for Albus? Will they come after you, wanting revenge?_

_I find myself torn. Part of me understands and respects your decision to stand your ground, as it's what I would do myself, were I in your position. Another part of me, however, wants you to go far away and hide until this is all over one way or another, just so I'll know you're safe. The idea of losing you now is unthinkable, and I'm far too old and world-weary to appreciate the melodrama of our lives turning into some kind of Hamlet-esque tragedy._

_Be careful, Sev. I never thought I'd ever say this, but right now I'm grateful you're suspicious and distrustful. At least I know those two traits will help keep you wary and safe._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Remus,

 

Unfortunately, I cannot answer your question regarding Voldemort's knowledge of my spying activities, as I do not know myself. Some of the Death Eaters who were acquited claimed to have been under the influence of the Imperius Curse, which in some cases was not true. They may be aware that I was brought before the Ministry, and that Albus spoke on my defence. There is always that possibility, although I know nothing for certain.

Rest assured, however, that I will remain on guard. Here at Hogwarts, with Albus, I am as safe as any of us can be during these uncertain times, and I'm not incapable of defending myself, if necessary. If Voldemort wants revenge on me, then hiding will do no good; in the face of the inevitable, I had rather die standing than running. However, I have no intention of dying for anyone, not even you. I had rather live for you, which is far more difficult, but better satisfying to us both, I should think.

Things have been quiet of late, which concerns me. I have an unsettling suspicion that we are headed toward something unpleasant, but I am at a loss as to what it might be. If it is connected with the Tournament, time is running out.

 

Severus

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_How familiar all of this feels: the waiting, the watching, the fear. I thought we had done with it, yet the same evil is rising again, and we'll be called to battle it again. Wasn't once enough? It took the sacrifice of two innocents to end this the first time, and it's turned out to be merely a respite, not an end. I shudder to think what it will take to end it permanently, and what we will face in the interim. But what will come, will come. There's no way of knowing what it is until it's here, and we'll deal with it then. No sense in fretting over something that may never happen._

_I'm glad to know you're on guard, although you gave me quite a shock with your comment about standing rather than running. That was terribly Gryffindor-ish of you, Sev._

_To stray from darker topics, the weather is fair and warm, and I've begun weeding and preparing the soil for this year's herb garden. By the time you get home, things may already have begun to sprout, and I'll be able to show you the fruits of my labor. If there's anything special you want me to plant, let me know now, as I'm planning to get seeds and start planting within the week. Otherwise, I'll simply repeat what you planted last year. Do you want mandrake roots again as well?_

_As foolish as it may sound, I'm counting the days until the term ends. As much as I've enjoyed our exchange of letters, it's not quite enough anymore, and I long to see you. I crave your touch, your kiss. Imagination is a grand thing, but I'm ready for reality._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Remus,

 

I'll have you know that admitting your undying love does not give you free license to be insulting. 'Terribly Gryffindor-ish' indeed.

As for this year's garden, I require no special additions to what was planted last year. There is a complete list of the types and quantities of seeds I purchased in my top desk drawer. Yes, I will want mandrake roots again, although with luck, I will be there to help through the worst stages this time.

I have nothing else of interest to report at present; preparations are being made for the final task, and I am busy readying the final examinations. The term is rapidly coming to an end, which means you haven't much longer to exercise your imagination.

 

Severus

* * *

Remus,

 

Our worst fears have come to pass. I have no time to explain, even if I dared risk elaborating on paper. Black is on his way to you; he will explain everything when he gets there. Do not send any messages until you hear from me again. There is something I must do for Albus immediately. If all goes well, I will let you know. If not, you will doubtless hear the news from Albus.

 

Severus

* * *

Remus,

 

My mission has been successfully concluded, and I have returned to Hogwarts. Is Black still with you?

   
Severus

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_Mere words on paper can't possibly express how relieved I am to know you're safe. I have to see you, Sev, now more than ever. Please tell me Albus won't require you immediately after the term ends; surely you can be spared a few days. That's all I need. I've lived on the memory of one night for 20 years; I can certainly make a handful of days last me for as long as I must._

_Sirius left to deliver some messages, but he'll be back soon, perhaps within the next day or two. I've turned the dining room into a guest bedroom, since we can eat in the kitchen, and he needs someplace to sleep other than the couch for however long he's here. He said Albus wants him to stay with me for a while; I assume that means until we're required for some specific task or other. I know you're less than thrilled about having Sirius living in your house, but it's only temporary, and there are Silencing spells and spell-locks for the bedroom door. I don't intend to allow his presence to inhibit me in any way. If knowing we've resumed our relationship bothers him, he can go rent a room in Whetby._

_Yours,_

_Remus  
_

* * *

Remus,

Having Black as a guest in our home is hardly my ideal version of a summer vacation, but Albus wants us to work together, presumably without inflicting grievous bodily harm on one another despite how tempting an idea it may be. For Albus' sake and that of our mutual cause, I will try to tolerate his presence.

Albus has not assigned me any duty which will require my time and attention following the end of term. I have a long-term assignment, but you will have your handful of days and more, I can promise you that.

Look for me within the week.

 

Severus

* * *

_Dear Severus,_

_I'll be waiting for you. Hurry home._

_Yours,_

_Remus_

_-end-_


End file.
